Apologies

We are back, ladies and gent's. We were crazy from the Holidays but I am back with a few gems from my awesome nephew.


I just moved recently. I also just adopted a puppy. E loves my puppy. So he made a surprise visit. Afterwards, my mom took him for ice cream. He didn't get a milkshake like he normally does, this time he ordered some lemon ice. 


Mema: Are you sure you like that? Do you want a milkshake instead?
E: No, Mema, I really like it.
(One like) E: Mema, I don't like it.
Mema: I told you, you wouldn't like it.
E: Mema, when it comes to ice cream, I gotta play by my own rules.


This kid is ridiculous.


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On New Years Eve my brother and his girlfriend had a party. I got the pleasure of ringing in 2012 with one of my favorite people on the planet.. E. After midnight, I step outside to smoke. He follows blowing his horn.


Me: E, you can't blow that out here. You'll wake everyone up!
E: (pointing in my face) There are NO bedtimes on New Years. You know nothing about New Years Eve apparently.


I got schooled by a 7 year old.

Moving

I moved over Thanksgiving weekend. E was there to help me. Not so much help as he was there to yell and scream with friends kids as well. My mother tried getting them all to go for a walk. No such luck. Here's the gem that came out of moving day:


E falls on top of his friend
"Ah We're just a pile of jerks!!!"

Ghosts

My mom lives in a big old house. It creaks and settles and makes general creepy old house noises. To most kids, this means it's haunted. E decides to tell my mom that her house is, in fact, haunted. There's a man that comes at night and tucks her in. Touching, right? So one day I decide to question him on the mysterious man that tucks my mother in at night..


Me: So Mema's house is haunted?
E: Yep.
Me: How do you know?
E: There's a man that tucks Mema in every night.
Me: Oh do you talk to the man?
E: Yeah, I say hi when I see him.
Me: Oh. What does he look like?
E: George Washington.
Me: Oh ok.. What is his name?
E: DUH GEORGE WASHINGTON!


Said as if I were a moron. Which is probably true cause all adults are morons to kids.

Halloween

We live on the East Coast. Oddly enough, we had snow Halloween weekend. And it was a total mess. Trees and power lines were down in almost every town. Unfortunately for the kids, most of the towns postponed trick or treating. Who does that? Way to ruin a kids holiday. Anyway. Fortunately for E, the town my mom lives in didn't postpone anything so he was good to go. So... my sister in law orders them a pizza. And because of aforementioned snow, it was taking a while for it to get there. He was hungry and kept looking out the window for his pizza so my sister in law finally asked him what he was doing..


Angie: E, what are you doin?
E: Looking for the pizza. I'm ANGRAVATED that it isn't here yet!


Love it.

In the mountains.

My brother was getting E ready for school one morning. However, there was no water. They could not shower. So he shows him how to wash himself with a rag and a bar of soap.


E: This is so cool. This is how the mountain people do it!
Mike: What?
E: Yeah you know when people live in the mountains and have no water so they shower this way.


I told you he's better than you.

The beginning.

Hi. I'm E's Aunt. He calls me Beanie. And I like it that way. Here's some background. I have five nieces and one nephew. Automatically, this makes E cooler than anyone in the immediate family. It also makes him the ruler of mankind. I started this blog because, well, I love my nephew more than life itself but also because he says some hilarious shit. Most kids do. Most kids don't have a blog dedicated to them which also makes him much much much cooler. So where do I begin? I guess I can start from where I remember. My brother had bypass surgery this past September. E didn't take it so well. My father had passed from heart related issues and knowing that, made him scared for his father. The next day, to take his mind off of things, I took him out to lunch. His choice. Subway. Kid devoured an entire footlong with chips. My friggin hero! Pun intended. On our way there we had a quick discussion about his dad as follows:


Me: Do you feel better today, Buddy? I know you got to talk to your dad this morning.
E: Yeah I feel better, Beanie. Thank God those doctors got to him in time now he has a few good years ahead of him.


Mind you, my brother is only 35.


Me: Well let's hope he has more than a few years.
E: Yeah we have a lot to do. Hey, Beanie, do you believe he drove hisself to the hospital??


I love this kid.